Wow I am starting to wonder if I will ever get this weight loss right... I hit my 70 pound mark in November 2012 ever since than I have played this nasty game of loss to gain now I have put 12 pounds on that I had already lost... I feel like I am running up hill but keep sliding down faster than I am getting up that hill... I really just want to make it to the top of that hill and a victor..
I have the most horrible self esteem about myself and have for my whole life... When I look at myself I feel totally grossed out about my body... I for the most part don't buy clothes for myself unless I have too anymore... I hate going to try on clothes because nothing fits right or it just looks too small on me... So for the most part I don't dress up because I don't like the way I look right now..
During my first marriage I heard a lot that I was a loser, fat cow and that no one would ever love me because I didn't deserve it... Even though that marriage has been over for a long time when I get down I still hear those words ringing in my ear and I start to feel that way about myself... Why do I keep letting it pull me down???
I have the most wonderful husband he loves me now matter what my size is and tells me I am beautiful all the time... Since we have been married I have put on around 100 pounds... I totally don't feel like that isn't fair to him at all or to our children... I want to be around to grow old with him and see our children grow up.... I want to go shopping for clothes look at myself in the mirror and think wow I look great... I want to be able to get on an airplane without people looking at me and thinking I hope that fat girl doesn't sit next to me... Would love to have another baby but want to be at a healthy weight I think it would make it a lot easier...
I want all these things and want to get to the top of that hill with victory.....
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