Take what I can get....

Yes today is my birthday and I made it to WW this morning.. I weighed in was down .4 pounds its only a little bit but I will take it and go with it...  At this point in my journey I am taking what I can get in terms of weight loss..
If I am down at the start of the meeting my spirits are always lifted when I leave the meeting... I am always glad that I stay for that 30 minutes of tips, laughter, celebration and encouragement.. I look at the ladies who have made lifetime and kept it off that is going to be me one day too...  I am going to have to work really hard this week with it being my birthday  week...  My husband and I are going to dinner Friday night at a Brazilian steak house where its all you can eat and it just super yummy...  Think I will hit the salad bar first so I am not as hungry... Than its concert time so there is always yummy snacks there too... 
I am trying something new with my water each day...  Sometimes I have a hard time remembering how many I have drank during the day... So I got some bright rubber bands around my water bottle and every time I fill it up I take one off that way its a visual reminder of how many I have left for the day....  Its the little things I think like that will help me out...

Press On

So I am really going to try to be better about staying up with my blog through out with journey..  I think its good to put my feelings whatever they may be down in writing..    So I wrote my last entry in the middle of the week and so I was really expecting much when I step on the scale on July 14th when I weighted in...  So I got on the scale on that day it said I was down 3.6 pounds oh my goodness I was so over joyed that was the biggest loss I had seen in a long time...  I was thinking finally things are looking up...  Yes I was on a bit of a high thinking wow I got this going now..
So that next week I was tracking things really trying to get another good number on the scale again..  So I stepped on the scale yesterday and it said I had gained 2.2 pounds...  I was thinking are you kidding me I tried harder this week than last and this is all I have to show for it is to gain... So much of me just wanted to get my stuff and walk out right than and quit...  I was thinking why am I wasting money each month in coming to meetings and working out if nothing is changing on the scale...
I was thinking I take one step forward just to get pushed back several steps and feel like I am not making any process..  Ok I stayed for my WW meeting but cried during most of the meeting and even when I left the meeting I called talked to my husband told him I just wanted to quit he was like you will be so mad at yourself if you quit....

So yes if I did quit I would be so very upset with myself and would probably gain back all that I have lost so far...  So I am just going to press on with this journey and I can say its probably one of the  hardest things in my life I had done so far...  I am really working on getting my water in each day of half my body weight in water..  I should be drinking six of my 22 oz  glasses of water well yesterday only got 5 in but I am not going to be myself up about it either...  I am really on working on not snacking at night because sometimes its not that I am hungry just that I am bored or thirsty... 

So I am pressing on this journey of mine and no turning back not saying I won't have those moments but I am looking forward.. 
Philippians3:12-14 (message version) says:
I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself in the expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

I believe God is teaching me things about myself as I go on this journey of weight loss and the may thing right now is to lay it at His feet... 
I love this song I am fixing to share with you...  Its Building 429- Press On

Totally honest post....

Wow I am starting to wonder if I will ever get this weight loss right...  I hit my 70 pound mark in November 2012 ever since than I have played this nasty game of loss to gain now I have put 12 pounds on that I had already lost...  I feel like I am running up hill but keep sliding down faster than I am getting up that hill...  I really just want to make it to the top of that hill and a victor..
I  have the most horrible self esteem about myself and have for my whole life...  When I look at myself I feel totally grossed out about my body...  I for the most part don't buy clothes for myself unless I have too anymore...  I hate going to try on clothes because nothing fits right or it just looks too small on me...  So for the most part I don't dress up because I don't like the way I look right now..
During my first marriage I heard a lot that I was a loser, fat cow and that no one would ever love me because I didn't deserve it... Even though that marriage has been over for a long time when I get down I still hear those words ringing in my ear and I start to feel that way about myself...  Why do I keep letting it pull  me down???

I have the most wonderful husband he loves me now matter what my size is and tells me I am beautiful all the time...  Since we have been married I have put on around 100 pounds...  I totally don't feel like that isn't  fair to him at all or to our children...  I want to be around to grow old with him and see our children grow up....  I want to go shopping for clothes look at myself in the mirror and think wow I look great...  I want to be able to get on an airplane without people looking at me and thinking I hope that fat girl doesn't sit next to me...  Would love to have another baby but want to be at a healthy weight I think it would make it a lot easier...

I want all these things and want to get to the top of that hill with victory.....