Down but not out yet....

So here it is folks the raw and honest way I feel right now...  I feel like a complete loser and that is the honest truth...    I started my weight loss journey back in January 2012 and did super awesome that year and lost 70 pounds yep you heard me right 70 pounds but since than I haven't made any process...  I haven't made any process for several reasons I believe and here they are:

1. I looked at the big picture of how much I have to lose and got discouraged about how much I still had to lose..

2. I got lazy about what I ate and my exercise..

3. I honestly lost my motivation too..

4. Also at some point I hit a plateau and than the other 3 came into play...
 

So here is the raw part of this...  I don't like to look at myself in the mirror without thinking what a loser I really am...  That is the raw and not so nice true about it...  I look at myself and just think yuck...   I used to go to Weight Watchers every week and I can't tell you the last time I stepped foot into a meeting... Also I would go to Curves at least three times and week so long since I have been there too...  This is not where I saw myself when I started this journey in 2012 by this time I saw myself at my goal weight and well the truth is I am no where near my goal weight at all...  I have honestly thought about totally giving up and just saying I don't even care anymore...  I honestly haven't decided if I will step away from WW and go it on my own or not...  Maybe that is what I need to just do it myself...
 I find myself eating late at night, eating more than I should, snacking all the time, not drinking the water that I know know my body needs...   Honestly I know what I need to do I just have to do it...  So here we are almost to Nov. 2016 and I want to lose more weight before 2017 gets here...
I know that I worry all the time about everything and everyone in my life...  So times my emotions get the better of me and I find myself crying out to God...  When I started this journey I prayed about it all the time but I honestly haven't prayed about it in a long long time....  I need to bring it and lay it at the cross...


So here we are almost to Nov. 2016 and I want to lose more weight before 2017 gets here...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-JBbdJ5eZ8

It seems like forever..

Oh my goodness it seems like I have been trying to lose weight FOREVER...  Well it hasn't been forever but its been a long time.. I started my journey back in January of 2012 and in November of 2012 I hit 70 pounds lost and since then I have bounced back n forth between 60 and 65..  Well today I got back to that 70 marker and I want to make it to 75... 

So I guess its goal time again...  So between today and the first time I weigh in 2016 which will be January 4th which is nine weeks I want to be down a total of 80 pounds so that's 10 pounds between now and January 4...  That's a little over one pound a week, I get so nervous when I get goals but I know that I can't stay where I am at right now...  My husband and I would love to get pregnant but I want to be at a healthier weight first...  I want to be able to ride in an airplane without a seat belt extender...  I want to be around for my family...  So if I have all these wants then I need to have some action to go along with them...

So I was having a moment of weakness today and a stressful day grabbed some chocolate pringles which is not what I needed at all...  So yes I sat and munched on them then I felt horrible about eating them...  I know myself I would  have munched on them the rest of the day and probably into the night...  So I took them outside and crushed them..  Yes I know some say its a waste of food and yes it is but I had to do it for myself....


So there is my new goal down a total of 80 pounds by January 4th 2016

Like a hamster on a wheel and Self-Sabotage

Well here we are friends on the start of a brand new school year and the end of summer getting closer...  From my title I bet you can guess what my post will be about this time around... 
This summer with all the busyness in my life I have discovered one thing about me and my weight loss journey...  First and foremost one thing I have found out something I do in my life is self sabotage...  When I  loss weight then that week I guess I am so much on cloud nine about the lose that I will self sabotage myself and the next week I will usually gain.. 
Then when this self sabotage happens I gain the next week I feel horrible about myself and really just want to give up...  But I know I can't give up because I really really want to reach my goal for myself...

So my self sabotage then leads to feeling like a hamster on a wheel that I can't seem to gain any ground or almost like the game I would play as a child which was candy land...
You remember that game with one step forward and then two steps back, that is truly how I feel a lot of the times..  If I don't get myself off of that hamster wheel and self sabotage then I will never get to my goal weight...   I WANT TO GET TO MY GOAL WEIGHT....

So I am simply asking all my friends and family to pray for me as I continue on this journey...  I want to see out to my goal..

Moving forward...

Well here we are at the start of February and we are moving forward...  I have really been working hard since the start of 2015...  I  have been working on not snacking at night and if I do get hungry I will grab for fruit first and not my old standby of a box of cereal...
I am really having a better attitude about my weight loss journey and really feel like I can complete this journey...
When I very first started this I was putting God first in my journey and staying focused...  As the weight started to come off I began to feel I could do it myself and stray off plan from time to time...  I am totally ashamed to say but I put God on the backburner of my journey thinking I got this all by myself..  Just like a parent does for their children I believe God said ok think you can do this by yourself, Go Ahead...

So  that is just what stubborn Shauntele did for probably a year I was just on a lose and gain roller coaster that I couldn't seem to get off of or get control of either...  As I stayed on this rollercoaster then I started to get depressed and believing I would never lose anymore weight also that I was just wasting money....  I believe we have to hit rock bottom before we will look up..  I believe God could see I was finally ready to take Him off the backburner and admit that I can't do this on my own ...

So here are my results of getting focused and back on track....  With God at the head of my journey...  Since the start of 2015 I have lost a total of 6.4 pounds....

New Year.... Clean Slate...

So here we are 12 days into 2015 wow time is already flying by...  So its a new year and also a clean slate moving forward on my weight loss journey...  The last two weeks have gone great and I have lost 3.6 pounds in those two weeks...  I believe not snacking at night has really helped with that if I start to feel hungry I will drink a large glass of water if that doesn't help I don't reach for the box of cereal I will go for the fruit first but really try not to snack late at night...  Also I have really been working on getting in bed at a good time, it doesn't work out every night but most nights I have been getting to bed at a better time...

January 8th of this year marks my 3rd year with Weight Watchers and to be honest when I started I thought  I would have done been at my goal by now but that is ok I am still sticking with it...  I refuse to give up on this goal because its so important to my life and future..  So just moving forward to that goal for myself...  I believe through this journey God is teaching me so much about myself that learning to rely on Him more and not so much on myself...


Update on my goal during the holidays...  I set a goal for myself to lose 5 pounds from Nov. 3rd to January 5th so I didn't reach my goal of 5 pounds but I am pretty proud of myself I did lose 3.8 pounds during the holidays...
I was so much more careful during the holidays this time than I was in 2013, I didn't deny myself anything but I also didn't just eat all day either.... 

So here I am moving forward and keeping my eyes forward and not looking in the past....

Keeping my eyes forward...

So I am keeping my eyes forward no looking back at the past...  In order for me to get this weight off I have to forget what mistakes I have made in the past..  I worked hard this week to keep within my points on weight watchers and if I had the snack fever in the evening to make it fruit.. 
I am still working on getting my water intake each day...

Put more money where my mouth is at Curves we have started our annual Turkey Trot which will last until Dec. 31st...  We all put in $10 so whoever loses or maintains we get to split the money pot...  Last year I just maintained which isn't bad but I am really hoping and trying to lose this year...

On Nov. 3rd I set a goal for myself to lose 5 pounds by my first WW meeting of 2015 on January 5th... I am headed in the right direction on:

Goal to lose 5 pounds from Nov. 3rd-January 5th

Pounds lost (Nov. 10th) -1.00
Pounds lost (Nov. 17th) -.6

WooHoo... I have lost 1.6 pounds lost of my 5 pound goal...

I WILL MAKE THIS GOAL.....

Goals and putting my money where my mouth is...

So here it is people....  I CAN DO THIS WEIGHT LOSS!!!  So I am putting my money where my month is...  Last week I made a small goal for myself to lose 5 pounds by the end of this year...  If I lose more that's awesome but I will make that goal...
I am also putting my money where my mouth is too...  Starting tonight I will be doing the Band Mom Biggest Loser for 4 months and starting on my Monday at Curves I will be doing our annual Turkey Trot until the end of the year... So sometimes you just have to put your money where your mouth is and get off that train of excuses...

I am happy to say that today I weighed at WW and lost 1 pound of that 5 pound goal so I am pressing on to next week....

Take what I can get....

Yes today is my birthday and I made it to WW this morning.. I weighed in was down .4 pounds its only a little bit but I will take it and go with it...  At this point in my journey I am taking what I can get in terms of weight loss..
If I am down at the start of the meeting my spirits are always lifted when I leave the meeting... I am always glad that I stay for that 30 minutes of tips, laughter, celebration and encouragement.. I look at the ladies who have made lifetime and kept it off that is going to be me one day too...  I am going to have to work really hard this week with it being my birthday  week...  My husband and I are going to dinner Friday night at a Brazilian steak house where its all you can eat and it just super yummy...  Think I will hit the salad bar first so I am not as hungry... Than its concert time so there is always yummy snacks there too... 
I am trying something new with my water each day...  Sometimes I have a hard time remembering how many I have drank during the day... So I got some bright rubber bands around my water bottle and every time I fill it up I take one off that way its a visual reminder of how many I have left for the day....  Its the little things I think like that will help me out...

Press On

So I am really going to try to be better about staying up with my blog through out with journey..  I think its good to put my feelings whatever they may be down in writing..    So I wrote my last entry in the middle of the week and so I was really expecting much when I step on the scale on July 14th when I weighted in...  So I got on the scale on that day it said I was down 3.6 pounds oh my goodness I was so over joyed that was the biggest loss I had seen in a long time...  I was thinking finally things are looking up...  Yes I was on a bit of a high thinking wow I got this going now..
So that next week I was tracking things really trying to get another good number on the scale again..  So I stepped on the scale yesterday and it said I had gained 2.2 pounds...  I was thinking are you kidding me I tried harder this week than last and this is all I have to show for it is to gain... So much of me just wanted to get my stuff and walk out right than and quit...  I was thinking why am I wasting money each month in coming to meetings and working out if nothing is changing on the scale...
I was thinking I take one step forward just to get pushed back several steps and feel like I am not making any process..  Ok I stayed for my WW meeting but cried during most of the meeting and even when I left the meeting I called talked to my husband told him I just wanted to quit he was like you will be so mad at yourself if you quit....

So yes if I did quit I would be so very upset with myself and would probably gain back all that I have lost so far...  So I am just going to press on with this journey and I can say its probably one of the  hardest things in my life I had done so far...  I am really working on getting my water in each day of half my body weight in water..  I should be drinking six of my 22 oz  glasses of water well yesterday only got 5 in but I am not going to be myself up about it either...  I am really on working on not snacking at night because sometimes its not that I am hungry just that I am bored or thirsty... 

So I am pressing on this journey of mine and no turning back not saying I won't have those moments but I am looking forward.. 
Philippians3:12-14 (message version) says:
I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself in the expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

I believe God is teaching me things about myself as I go on this journey of weight loss and the may thing right now is to lay it at His feet... 
I love this song I am fixing to share with you...  Its Building 429- Press On

Totally honest post....

Wow I am starting to wonder if I will ever get this weight loss right...  I hit my 70 pound mark in November 2012 ever since than I have played this nasty game of loss to gain now I have put 12 pounds on that I had already lost...  I feel like I am running up hill but keep sliding down faster than I am getting up that hill...  I really just want to make it to the top of that hill and a victor..
I  have the most horrible self esteem about myself and have for my whole life...  When I look at myself I feel totally grossed out about my body...  I for the most part don't buy clothes for myself unless I have too anymore...  I hate going to try on clothes because nothing fits right or it just looks too small on me...  So for the most part I don't dress up because I don't like the way I look right now..
During my first marriage I heard a lot that I was a loser, fat cow and that no one would ever love me because I didn't deserve it... Even though that marriage has been over for a long time when I get down I still hear those words ringing in my ear and I start to feel that way about myself...  Why do I keep letting it pull  me down???

I have the most wonderful husband he loves me now matter what my size is and tells me I am beautiful all the time...  Since we have been married I have put on around 100 pounds...  I totally don't feel like that isn't  fair to him at all or to our children...  I want to be around to grow old with him and see our children grow up....  I want to go shopping for clothes look at myself in the mirror and think wow I look great...  I want to be able to get on an airplane without people looking at me and thinking I hope that fat girl doesn't sit next to me...  Would love to have another baby but want to be at a healthy weight I think it would make it a lot easier...

I want all these things and want to get to the top of that hill with victory.....

Idol Worship...

So why can't I get this weight loss journey right and why right now do I feel like I am moving faster backwards instead of moving forward .....  That is the question that I have been beating myself up over for so very long... So in November 2012 I had lost a total of 70 pounds I was on top of the world thought I could do anything not saying I can't but I believe that's where I lost my focus and started to think I could do it on my own and truly not on purpose but put God in the backseat and not in the front seat where he should be all the time...

So I have struggled with my weight my whole life its just been a roller coaster of loss and gain it really has to stop...  So all this time I really couldn't put my finger on it and figure out why I was always turning to food...  So I recently started reading a book talking about idols in our lives and how we let them take over our heart...

The idol I worship in my life is FOOD I turn to it when I am happy, sad, scared, lonely, to mourn and to celebrate....  When I should be turning to God for this times in my life I am turning to food so that makes it an idol in my life and it must be torn down there is no room for it in my life....
When I let the food idol to rule in my life it gives Satan  a stronghold in my life and let me tell you he takes full advantage of this time too...  So I bow down to the idol of food and worship at its alter at that time its wonderful... 

So after all my worship of food it comes time to step on that scale and face the music...  I step on that scale to only see the number going in the wrong direction than Satan has me where he wants me...   I begin to think what a loser I am, how I am just wasting time and how I can't do get this right...
I want to be healthy for myself to be around for my family and in order to do that the idol of food has to come down in my life...  Those times that I turn to food for comfort or celebration are times for God...  No saying I can't have a bit of cake to celebrate or a meal to mourn with someone but above all that has to be God...  That place in my heart belongs to God and I have to stop giving it to the idol of food...

I am worth it and God deserves that place in my life....

Struggling

I have wanted to be totally honest and transparent in this blog with my weight loss journey...  So you can see from my title that I am struggling right now...  I weighed in last week with a gain so I was going to brush it off but I am really struggling right now...  I go to weigh in on Monday and I am pretty sure I have gained again...  I really got to get a hold of this mess I have totally  not tracked the last few weeks and have just snacked a lot...  I know its that time of the year with all the holidays right now but I just don't want to blame it on that right now...  So here is my honesty when this happens I totally feel like a loser even though I know I am not...  I am going to make this post a short one and just ask for your prayers because I know with God all things are possible.....

You got this girl...

So I stepped on the scale today it said I was up .2 from last week but than I realized that I had forgot my weighing in shorts that are super light so I actually probably lost but it will all work out next week...  So as I am going into the Thanksgiving week I am looking forward to enjoying some great food but also staying within my limits... Who says that during the holidays you have do without I don't plan on doing without but my main focus is staying on plan and heading into next weeks weight in proud of this week...

So in my meeting today we were encouraged to make a list of all the reasons we want to lose weight here are some of mine:
Get Healthy
Feel better about myself
Be able to run around with my kids more
Be able to try new things
Smaller clothes
Doing more than a 5K
Next Pregnancy Healthier
Help prevent possible health problems
Be around for my family longer
I want to be good role model for my children
Be able to fit better into ride and plane seats

Wow it feels good to just open up and put those out for the public to view I feel like if you say it out loud your more likely to strive for them more... 
So in my list you see doing more than 5K yep in August I did my first ever 5K and felt just awesome and I don't believe that 70 pounds ago I could have made it the whole way... Than two weeks later I did my second 5K, goodness I was so darn proud of myself...
So on Thanksgiving morning I will do my 3rd 5K for this year and I am so very excited.. All the money goes to help the local food bank which I found was really fitting right now...  Here I am trying to lose the weight because of my over eating habits so doing this 5k working on getting myself healthy and I am helping someone to have meals to eat...

Love this quote from my WW meeting today...

The difference between TRY or TRIUMPH is just a little UMPH...

Marvin Phillips

Its never too late for a fresh start...

So from the title you can probably can guess where I am going with this post and yes your right...  So I began my weight loss journey in January 2012 by joining weight watchers and so I was off...  I added working out as a regular routine of mine I was on a roll...  Than on Thanksgiving of 2012 I had lost 71 pounds and I was on top of the world...  Well than I really feel like I lost my focus on my journey really don't know why maybe it was because I have a lot of weight to lose or maybe it was because I just got bored....  To be honest I really don't know the answer to that question and may never know but that's ok... 

So I really spent most of 2013 just going between 71 and 65 pounds it was just so frustrating to be honest with you and there was a few times that I really felt like throwing in the towel...  But as I am starting to approach my two  year mark of being on this journey I am now bound and determined that I will not throw in the towel....  I will not give up....
So starting last Monday November 11th I am starting making new goals for myself on this journey of mine...  My new goal is to lose between 7-10 pounds from 11-11 to 12-31... So I weighted in on Monday 18th and I was down 1.6 pounds...
So this weight loss journey is important to me for many reasons...  I want to be around for my hubby and children for a long time...  Also we would love to have another baby so I want to be healthier for that pregnancy....
So there it is and now I am restarting my journey...Too long I have let the enemy hold me down or push me around...  No more...   I don't listen to a lot of the new pop music but I do like this new one...  Because that is what I feel like is a champion...  Hear me roar... 

Healthy Baked Chicken Nuggets

Hey Friends...

I thought I would start sharing some of my fav. light recipes..  Lets start this off with one of our all time favs..

Healthy Baked Chicken Nuggets

Servings:4
Serving Size: 1/4 of nuggets
Calories: 164.9
Fat: 4.6 grams
Protein: 22.1 grams
Carb: 7.7 grams
Fiber: 0.9 grams
Sugar: 0.1 grams

4 points + weight watchers

* 16 oz (2large) skinless boneless chicken breasts, cut into even bit sized pieces
* salt & pepper to taste
* 2 tsp olive oil
* 6 tbsp whole wheat Italian seasoned breadcrumbs
* 2 tbsp panko
* 2 tbsp grated parmesan cheese
* olive oil spray

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Spray a baking sheet with olive oil spray

Put the olive oil in one bowl and the breadcrumbs, panko and parmesan cheese in another

Season chicken with salt and pepper, then put in the bowl with the olive oil and mix well so the olive oil evenly coats all the chicken

Put  a few chunks of chicken at a time into the breadcrumbs mixture to coat, then on the baking sheet. Lightly spray the top with olive oil spray then bake 8-10 minutes. Turn over the cook over then cook another 4-5 minutes or until cooked through..

One Year...

So here I am at my one year mark with my weight loss journey...  Let me tell it seems like lately its been an up and down hill with this part of my journey..  Right before Thanksgiving I hit 71 pounds lost and I was so super excited about that milestone...  So I have really had to come to peace and pray about it I had wished I would have been further along on my journey come my one year make...  But I know I am where I should be and am at peace with the progress I have made so far and looking forward to this 2013...

Slow and steady wins the race so that is my focus during this journey..  I am looking forward to all the extra things I will be able to do once all this weight is off me... Last Sunday I was able to get on the basketball court and shoot some hoops and before I would have been really worn out from just that and now I am not...

Thank you God for the peace I have with my weight loss so far...  Thank you to all my family and friends for the support and encouragement you give to me...

So my one year mark with weight watchers puts me at a total of of 70 pounds so far...

Believe....

Well the last time I posted was bit over a month ago...  With Thanksgiving fast apporching wanted to give you an update on where I am so far...  When on Oct. 15th I was down 65.2 lbs wow didn't know what a fight I would have ahead of me...

I have had to learn to go with the flow a bit more too...  I was hoping to be way further down my road by now but once again I have had to slow down and listen to God..  I have always wanted to push myself futher then I needed to at times...
To be honest sometimes its hard for me to give up control stop wanting things sooner than what is good for me...  It has also taught me to be more humble toward my weigh loss journey...
I have really had to fight for the number I recieved on the scale but I set my mind too it...

I still have a lot left to lose so I just set small goals for myself, if I look at the big picture it freaks me out a bit..  So when I left last week I wanted to be down 70 lbs by Thanksgiving (really wanted it today) so I have really worked hard this week both in food choices and working out...

So here is a recap since my last blog post:
10-22 down 2.2 lbs
10-29 up 0.4 lbs
11-5 down 0.2 lbs
11-12 down 1.2 lbs

When I first started WW I was scared to death of the holidays and all the eating that came with it...  As I have been on doing WW I have become more confident in my food choices...  We are now 3 days till Thanksgiving and I know I got this one...  No matter how it goes I will be on that scale on Monday after Thanksgiving (no skipping) for me... 

So when I left the house this morning I knew what number I wanted to see on that scale today...  I wanted to see down 1.6 lbs to make that magic 70 lbs....  I step on the scale....

Drum roll..........

WooHoo...  The number I got was down 2.6 lbs for a total loss so far of 71 lbs since January 8, 2012..
I am super excited and proud that I exceeded my goal for Thanksgiving...

Its never to late to get back up again...

The title of my post today is from one of my fav. Toby Mac songs....  I have learned this through my weight loss journey its never to late to get back up again no matter how far you have fallen....

Here is an update of the last few weeks in my journey... 
Weigh in on 9/24 down 1.2 lbs
Weigh in on 10/1 down 2.6 lbs
Weigh in on 10/8 down 2.6 lbs
Weigh in on 10/15 up 1.2 lbs

My total weight loss as of today 10/15 is 65.2 lbs

Wow I had three totally awesome weeks and then this week it slipped but thats ok just have to move forward to working harder this week...  I have way too far to go still to look back on my not so good weeks..  I really believe I have those weeks from time to time to keep my humble in my weight loss and don't start thinking oh this is all my doing....  Without God I would have never gotten as far as I have so far....

For the most part I have done very well taking in the fact that in those few weeks I attened two weddings and the fair and didn't mess up too much...  I have also learned that I am much much stronger than I ever thought I could be, thank you God for giving me the strength everyday to keep on my journey...

My biggest surprise has been my oldest son Alex, he has even started asking me when I weigh in how I have done and when I have had a bad week he is such a great encouragement to me...  Thank you God for the sweet words that come from my son's heart...

Its been a long time...

Yes its been since the start of summer that I have posted in my blog....  That's just way way too long, so I promise to stay up with it now...
I had a really busy summer with two family members graduations, kiddos going to VBS, camp and being out of town for business myself...  Last weekend I attended the first of four weddings for this year...

So since I started my weight loss journey in January of this year 2012, I have every week posted my loss or gain on my facebook page...  Well since that time I have really started to notice something that has started to bother me a great deal...

It seems like to me when I have a big loss for a week there is all kinds of support pouring in from everywhere..  When I have a smaller loss there is still some support but not never as much...  Now here is the big one when I have a week (not many I will add) that I gain a little bit or stay the same there is little support...

Now as I am eight in half months into my journey its really gotten to me and really hurts my feelings...  Whether I am having a great loss that week or a smaller loss that week I really feel like the support should always be the same...
I do still have lot of weight to lose, I know that I will reach my goal there is not doubt about that in my mind..  It just really makes that journey that much easier with the equal support of those around me and in cyber land....

So  the last two weeks I haven't posted on my facebook page about my weight loss to see what happened and not to my surprise I haven't had but a hand full of people ask me how my last two weeks have went, and the funny thing is you don't even have to see me in person to ask either...  With all the technology of today from text message, email and social media its one of the easiest times to keep in touch....

So I  have decided to no longer post on facebook my numbers for weight loss...  I will instead post a blog update each week...   I know it will take a bit more effort to open up this blog but I really feel those who want to support me will take the time to read each week and those that really don't won't take the time...

It takes a lot for me to step out of that box of comfort and be that honest about how this has bothered me...  Thank you to God for giving me the strength each day that I need....

So the weight update...  As of Monday the 17th I am down 60 pounds....

40 pound marker and photos...

Just a little post to give you an update on my weight loss journey...  Well I was super excited I was in Minnesota for a whole week and didn't gain a pound the whole time...  That was an awesome extra in my journey down this weigh loss road...
On June 11th  I hit the 40 pound marker on my journey and it was just exciting for me...Wow I have been on this journey for five months now and am officially down 41.4 lbs and looking forward to more coming off in the coming months...
I have had several people ask to show photos of myself as I am losing the weight and so I have my first set of weight loss photos to show...  I have a hard time seeing it on myself since I do see me everyday...  I can tell from the two photos that I am losing the weight...
Looking forward to posting more photos as my journey to the healthy me continues..

The first photo is the starting picture for my weight loss and the second picture is me down the first 41.4 lbs....